2014 Highlights

2014 turned out to be a pretty fabulous year, and I'm actually a bit sad to see it end, which is rarely, if ever, the case. My goal for this year, as it is for each year, was to grow - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually -  and see the evidence of that growth in my life. I came closer this year to becoming the person I've always wanted to be, the best possible version of myself. To recap:

I wrote

I continued blogging for a second year and daily journaling for a third. As a bigger step, I joined a local writing group, met other aspiring writers, and forced myself to read my work at each monthly meeting.

I read

I pored through my usual hodgepodge of contemporary fiction (Stephen King, Barbara Kingsolver, Donna Tartt), self-help, biographies, and assorted memoirs, and also tossed in a few American classics (J.D. Salinger, Arthur Miller, and Tennessee Williams) to expand my literary education.

I learned

Reading Susan Cain's Quiet was one of the best and most important personal events of 2014. I finished the book with a new understanding of myself as a shy introvert who often struggles in a world of extroverts but who is not alone in that struggle. In fact, it's frequently the people you and I would least expect who also consider themselves introverts. There's nothing wrong with me, I learned this year, despite others telling me there was while growing up. 

I survived

Extreme winter weather was the top local news story in my neck of the woods, starting in January, continuing (on and off but mostly on) through the end of March, and picking up where it left off with approximately 88 inches of snowfall in three days during "Snowvember." I realize, of course, that snow and freezing temperatures come with my territory every winter, but this was the worst I can remember. (Just to put it in perspective, the college where I work, which never closes, closed five days this year (two consecutive days in January and three in Snowvember)!)

I traveled

How did I survive winter's onslaught with sanity (more or less) intact? I booked a series of summer getaways (to the Finger Lakes, Orlando, and the 1000 Islands) as the psychological boost I needed to slog through seemingly endless days of frigid temperatures and drive through snowy whiteouts day after day.

So, how can I possibly top all of this? Well, I have some plans, big plans, actually, for the new year, which I'll reveal in due time. But for now I'm content to bask in 2014's remaining afterglow.

Christmas Made to Order

Approximately two weeks remain until Christmas and, at the moment, I'm right on track. I've bought gifts, all of which are currently piled in a corner of my living room, ready to be wrapped and distributed, for family, friends, coworkers, and local charities, so far without a single panic attack or ulcer, which feels like a major accomplishment befitting "a major award" (see A Christmas Story for the reference). Is holiday neurosis an actual diagnosable condition? If so, I have it in spades, and I know I'm not the only one.

"The most wonderful time of the year" (aka "the happiest season of all") has a way of making people feel very anxious and unhappy. I can't help feeling nostalgic for Christmases of yore (namely those of my childhood) when this holiday was all joy (presents! two-week school vacation!) and no stress. At that time, my biggest Christmas concern was whether I'd get everything on my wishlist (so carefully marked in the Sears Wish Book). Giving to others was the least of my worries. Just about any trinket from the school Christmas fair would do. I reserved my time and energy for ensuring I'd get exactly what I wanted. 

Today it's the opposite. When someone asks me what I want, I offer practical, inexpensive, easy-to-find items that I know I'll use and enjoy: candles, kitchen tools, hair products, and, this year, a toaster. All of my energy (and stress) now goes into getting others the perfect gift(s), something they'll really love, enjoy, and, most importantly, use. And typically I'll drive myself crazy overthinking and rethinking whether I should buy this for that person, or is it too much, not enough, etc. Eventually I have to decide, preferably before December 1, when I really start panicking. (That's another thing: I swear the holiday season zips by before I'm ready for it, whereas in my youth, the month, weeks, and days before Christmas dragged interminably.)

I know I'm not the only one feeling holiday neurosis, however. I've noticed a funny thing this year: It's no longer enough to tell someone, if asked, a general-but-clearly-stated gift idea. They want me to pick out a gift for myself. Blame it on gift registries (where everyone today orders their own gifts and demands that others pay for them), or fear of buying the wrong gift for the wrong person, but I've had the following conversations during the past few weeks, which follow a similar pattern:

Coworker/Friend: "What would you like for Christmas?"

Me: "Tea."

Coworker/Friend: "What kind of tea?"

Me: "Green tea."

Coworker/Friend: "What kind of green tea?"

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Sister: "What would you like for Christmas? "

Me: "Hair products." (My sister is a licensed hair stylist and gets a discount.)

Sister: "What kind of hair products?"

Me: "Whatever's on sale!"

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Brother: "What would you like for Christmas?"

Me: "Candles and toiletries are always welcome."

Brother: "What kind of toiletries?"

Me: "Body wash, shampoo, conditioner..."

Brother: "What brands? I don't want to get you something you don't like."

Me: "I'm not fussy!"

I'm alternately amused and exasperated by these conversations, but believe me when I write that I understand them. A big part of my holiday neurosis, as I believe it is for many, is earnestly wishing not only to give loved ones gifts but the right gifts, the perfect gifts for them. And God forbid (in our minds, at least) we get them the same item(s) we got them last year, or buy something they won't like or use. It's as if Christmas, which really isn't about gifts at all, is ruined if we don't get exactly what we want or give exactly what someone else wants. (Third world problems these aren't.) Meanwhile, there's always someone out there who would be happy to receive or give a gift, any gift at all. 

If only we could focus on the real meaning of Christmas, there would be so much less neurosis (and credit card debt) and so much more joy abounding.

And so, determined to decrease my own holiday neurosis, which has steadily decreased with each gift bought, I sincerely wish you a very happy, neurosis-free holiday.