“If you play with fire you get burnt. It’s not any secret, is it?...
If I’m walking around and I’m very modestly dressed and I’m keeping to
myself and someone attacks me, then I’d say that’s his fault...
If you’re wearing something that says ‘Come and fu*k me,’ you’d better
be good on your feet…
I don’t think I’m saying anything controversial, am
I?” ~ Chrissie Hynde
Blame
it on the lack of coffee if you wish, but I would have been agitated
regardless when I read Yahoo!'s news article containing Chrissie Hynde's
shocking defense of rape, including her own: (Chrissie Hynde Under Fire...).
You see, I'd just arrived at work on Monday morning, made myself a small pot of coffee, and checked email and news while I waited for my coffee to brew. When I went to pour my coffee 15 minutes later, I found that the housekeeper had been a bit too efficient and apparently dumped out (or drank) my freshly-brewed coffee. Certainly not a crime, but a bit frustrating since I was depending on that caffeine jolt to increase my productivity.
So I remade the coffee and returned to my office, feeling dangerously feisty. Then I saw this article, promptly flipped out, and indulged in an uncharacteristic rant on Facebook (I usually save those rare outbursts for my journal...and occasionally this blog) with a link to the article. I guess I needed to know if it was just me, or if the general public (in this case, my Facebook "friends") shared my outrage. I was somewhat mollified to know I wasn't totally alone. (For the record, my post garnered five "likes" and two comments, all from women.)
I'm admittedly often oblivious to political issues, but feminism is a hot-button issue for me. In fact, I just spoke with someone over the weekend about the issues associated with modern-day feminism, the largest being that feminism has become a dirty word, so maligned and misunderstood that many strong, intelligent, independent, well-educated women who seemingly benefit from and embody the feminist ideals that crusading women like Gloria Steinem fought for in the 1960s and 70s refuse to identify themselves as feminists. It's no longer hip (if it ever was) to be a feminist.
I guess it's no wonder since feminism has become warped. Feminists are characterized by some men and women as hirsute, bitchy, man-bashing, masculine women who want to be men. Others believe the opposite: that true feminists are women who use their intelligence and sexuality (aka feminine wiles) to get ahead in the world, get money, and get everything they want and think they need to become powerful without understanding that what they're really doing is giving their "power" away to men. (Can someone please explain this to actresses, models, strippers and porn actresses?)
Both extremes are equally damaging, in my opinion. Both perpetuate the belief that women need to be aggressive (in other words, like stereotypical men), hypersexual, and unfeminine to be equal to (or ahead of) men.
Feminism is not - and was never meant to be - any of that. It's about equality, having the same rights and opportunities as men in relationships, workplaces, and at home. It's about allowing women to fulfill their full potential without being tied to gender roles or traditional expectations. It's about the freedom to do whatever she wants to do, whether that's staying home with kids or working, while being paid the same wage as any man in her office, and look and behave the way she chooses without judgment. (Here's a witty, concise primer from Jezebel if you're still confused: What No One Else Will Tell You About Feminism)
There have undoubtedly been some baby steps forward since the Women's Liberation Movement of the 70s. But when I see rampant patriarchal brainwashing that shrugs off violence against women and actually justifies rape and abuse, I'm forced to conclude that our forward momentum has halted with screeching brakes. I mean, I understand that Chrissie Hynde is a 63-year-old baby boomer, that perhaps her generation was taught differently about gender roles. I was initially upset with her personally, being a fan of her music (this is the same woman who co-wrote and recorded "Brass in Pocket," is it not?) and considering her an awesome feminist icon, but as I contemplatively sipped my coffee (the second pot) this morning, I realized this goes beyond her personal experience and justification of it. This is a much wider, more serious and sickening issue.
Women, even 21st-century women, are still largely judged by appearance and bound by stereotypes. We're expected to be eternally beautiful, sweet, thin, submissive, nurturing, prim, passive, domesticated, undemanding, unopinionated, and noncompetitive. A woman who dares to break that stifling mold is judged, criticized, ridiculed, rejected. Society demands that we be attractive, but apparently not too attractive, lest we entice men who, according to Hynde's quotes are unable to control themselves when encountering an attractive woman in high heels and a skirt.
My concern is what young men and women are being taught by their parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, and celebrity role models today. And, I, for one, am not OK with young men being taught that some women deserve to be raped and abused and women being taught that they, not men, are to blame for men's violence. It's not right. And I feel truly sick for any woman, including Chrissie Hynde, who blames herself rather than the guilty party for her own victimization.
How could anyone, minus the most depraved among us, possibly be OK with that?
