Last fall, on a similarly sunny, slightly warm afternoon, I'd sought some of that sunshine in what I'd perceived to be a safe, peaceful spot. After my walk, as I'd headed for my car in the parking lot, I was stopped by a middle-aged man sitting in his truck parked (driver side to driver side) next to my car, with window rolled down. "What are you doing?" he inquired. (As if it was any of his business...) "How many miles did you walk?"
I tried, with some semblance of politesse, to answer his question while also making it clear that I didn't wish to prolong the conversation (basically basic civility - I was, unfortunately, raised to be polite and obedient - nothing more). I stated, while hurtling myself into my car, that I was tracking steps, not miles, using my pedometer. He introduced himself by name. I responded with a grimace and hightailed it home.
Fast forward to our second run-in and you can understand why I was thoroughly spooked. This man, who was clearly watching me the first time, remembered me - and our conversation - the second time and wasn't deterred by my unfriendly response. Creepy! My first instinct when I heard his voice was to turn around and leave. I didn't feel safe; I didn't see him when I'd turned around, but just knowing someone - a potentially threatening someone - was watching me made me uneasy. I kept walking, but my enjoyment of the park dissipated.
As I walked, I thought about other times in other parks when I'd felt threatened, moments when I'd literally pulled my pepper spray out of my backpack and walked with it in my hand, my finger hovering over the trigger. At a different park, one with a circular walkway around a pond, I'd been approached by an unsavory-looking man who tried to get my attention. The first time I felt uncomfortable. The second time, when he jumped out at me from a different part of the trail (waiting for me?), I pulled out my pepper spray as I walked away and willed myself to use it if needed. Thankfully I didn't need it (or my knife) - that time - but maybe next time I will.
Years ago, while walking by an apartment house in what I'd considered my safe neighborhood, I experienced a similar incident. An old shirtless guy stationed himself on his front steps and asked me, every time I walked by, how many miles I walked each day. (Again, none of his business.) On the same street in the same time period, several boys yelled "I'm going to rape you!" out a window (next door to a church, for God's sake) as I walked past them. As a direct consequence I immediately acquired a tube of pepper spray and haven't walked down that street again.
As fearful as I feel, I'm equally angry. I shouldn't feel unsafe leaving my home and walking alone in a local park. (It's not like I live in a high-crime inner city.) And I shouldn't have to pack a small weapons cache to feel safer when I do. No woman should, on International Women's Day or any other day. I hate that men have the ability to make women feel unsafe with their presence, their poorly-chosen words, and their boorish behavior. More than that, I hate that they choose to threaten women (and it is a choice) and that women blame themselves (I shouldn't have gone out at night; I shouldn't walk alone; I shouldn't have worn that; etc.) when they do. It's (past) time for men to understand that no healthy woman worthy of their attention will respond favorably to harassment. (And let's be honest, that's what it is. We're not flattered by your unsolicited attention.)
A quick Google search gives me assurance that I'm sadly not alone in feeling bullied. It's not just me being sensitive, shy, and paranoid. Countless women have been harassed while walking, jogging, and running - minding their own business - regardless of their age, weight, clothing, or behavior. (Here's just a sample: Harassment While Out Jogging; Why Won't Men Leave Me Alone...)
Therefore, I think I speak for more than myself when I write that I don't just want to feel safe, I want to be safe, whether I'm home or on a hiking trail, with or without my pepper spray. I don't know what it will take for that to become a reality, but I know that hiding behind locked doors with a baseball bat (or loaded gun) within easy reach should not be the solution.
