I think most people feel similarly annoyed by the smile police, regardless of whether they're introverts - like me - or extroverts. Telling someone to smile (as if smiling will fix all the world's ills) is intrusive, presumptuous, judgmental, and straight-up bullying behavior. It's even worse when the smile cop is a stranger. (It's slightly more tolerable when it's a friend or family member.)
A few days ago at work I overheard two women walking by my office threaten to place a smiley-face sticker on my office door because I allegedly "never" smile (at them, presumably). My response was to roll my eyes (at my computer screen, not them) and immediately begin defending myself (to myself, not them). I smile, I thought. True, maybe not at them (to my credit, this isn't the first time these women have made derogatory remarks about me within my earshot, so my feelings towards them are less than warm and fuzzy, hence my non-smiling response), but I don't go out of my way to be rude. I'm a good person (most of the time), darn it!
Somewhere in the midst of my inner dialogue, I was distracted by an unwelcome memory that highlighted my hypocrisy. The previous week at work, I walked past a gentleman from another department and greeted him by name. His response was utter silence. (I swear he turned his head, nostrils fully lifted, in the other direction, smoothly executing a full-blown snub!) I'll admit it bothered me, but I rationalized it by telling myself not to personalize it. After all, he'd done it before to me and other coworkers.
Some people - like me - are shy, moody, socially anxious, and yes, even socially awkward. (Those of you with social anxiety know that social anxiety and social awkwardness are like peas and carrots. Sometimes, despite your best intentions, your throat closes and you can only squeak (at best) when attempting to converse). Often it has everything to do with the (perceived) snubber and nothing to do with the other person(s), though we make it about us and inevitably get bent out of shape when we feel snubbed.
That incident was a reminder that I don't like being on the receiving end of an unfriendly human response (or total lack of existence acknowledgment), though I've also been guilty of snubbing someone (intentionally or otherwise). In other words, I've treated others in a way that I haven't liked being treated.
1. It's simply none of your business how I feel and how I choose to arrange my facial muscles. My mental health and personal happiness are my concern, not yours. You mind your business, I'll mind mine.
2. Don't make assumptions. I don't smile every minute of the day (and I'm fairly certain most people don't); however, that doesn't mean I'm unhappy or something is wrong. (I might even be smiling on the inside.) On the flip side, I could be going through hell. Maybe I've lost a pet or parent, been fired, or diagnosed with cancer. My point is if you don't know me, you don't know.
3. I'll smile if and when I feel like it, not on demand like a programmed robot or trained seal. I'm admittedly more of a people-pleaser and less of a people-person than I'd like to be, but I won't knock myself out trying to accommodate every "smile" bully I encounter. I'm an introvert. You're just going to have to deal with it (just as I have to deal with an extrovert's incessant chatter). I don't always smile at every single person I see at work, at the grocery store, and on the street. If you do, then you're simply a better person than I am and I applaud your gregariousness.
4. Humans are a sensitive lot, myself included. Don't make everything personal. You might be surprised to find out that not everything is about you and not everyone behaves the same way as you.
5. On the other hand, perhaps there's a valid reason why you're being snubbed. I choose not to interact with bullies, for example, unless absolutely necessary. Maybe a silent frown is the politest response I can muster.
5. And in conclusion, I'm not perfect. In the same way that I accept that, I need to accept others' imperfections. I've been both the snubber and snubbee in social interactions. I can (and should) do better in accepting other people's flawed behavior and improving my own.
