Just Breathe

Breathing is the most basic and necessary life function, but carving out daily time for focused, guided, relaxed breathing is a goal that continues to elude me. And not for lack of trying. Morning meditation has been my New Year's resolution every year for several years. 

A year ago, a wise and gifted life coach advised me to meditate every morning and watch my life change as a result. Not only would I feel different, but people around me would respond to me differently. Since this woman has been on point with all of her other counsel, I took it seriously and vowed to make it happen. But a year later, it's still a work in progress (at best). 

Since I prefer guided meditation, I started by using short (five- to ten-minute) YouTube videos, then graduated to a downloaded app, Headspace, that offered a free introductory basics course available in five-minute (or more) sessions, using those in fits and starts. My pattern was successfully meditating two or three consecutive days a week, never on weekends (figuring I was relaxed without meditating), and then swiftly falling off for the rest of it. 

Those were the days when I couldn't (or didn't) find an extra five or ten minutes before work without running behind schedule. (Hard to believe now that I used to journal every morning before getting out of bed. Now it's more like whenever I can squeeze in 20 minutes of purging...) Ironic, maybe, because getting to work on time (allowing extra time in my commute for the inevitable pesky school buses, garbage trucks, and minivan moms) is a huge source of stress five mornings a week. Meditating would relax my mind and body, providing all-day therapeutic benefits, but at a cost of five or ten minutes every morning.

Mindworks.org

I enjoy the limited time I devote to meditating, even if my mind wanders and I struggle to tune out street traffic sounds and other distractions (one of the benefits of living alone is that I have many more peaceful, interruption-free mornings than someone who doesn't). As an anxious type-A person, I benefit just as much from copious amounts of downtime, when I don't have to rush somewhere or cross something off my to-do list, as I do from highly-productive work sessions. Purposefully slowing down, even for five minutes, is always a good idea when you're as high-strung as I am. 

And that's what's frustrating for me. I know it makes a positive difference, but it needs to outweigh the sacrifice of extra driving time, extra TV time, and extra breakfast time. I'm attempting to add one more thing to a schedule that already feels packed, but one that is beneficial, like exercising or brushing my teeth. It's a cycle, though. Feeling rushed and behind schedule increases my anxiety while meditating reduces and helps me more effectively manage it. 

So, what's the solution? Do I get up earlier (than 5:45 AM...yikes)? Leave later? Cut my TV time (probably the solution to most, if not all, of my time-management challenges)? Make it an afternoon or evening practice? Regardless, the first step is prioritizing it, then practicing it often enough to make it a habit. 

Saying I don't have time is a cop-out excuse for not improving myself. Anyone can say that about anything...and it becomes true (at least to you) if you don't make time. I will make time for meditation...this year...this week...maybe...hopefully...