It's one of my hot-button issues. I ask myself at least once a week (probably more often) if there's something wrong with me, if I'm horribly self-absorbed or emotionally damaged in some way, for not wanting to ever give birth to a child.
The truth is I like my life the way it is. Like some of the women profiled in the article, I love my freedom...the freedom to get in my car and go wherever I want to go, to come home to a quiet sanctuary, to live on my own schedule, and to focus on my needs instead of someone else's.
The irony, as the article points out, is that women like me are questioned because of our attitude and/or decision, unlike women who choose to have children (or don't but want them). No one asks a parent why they want to have a child, though everyone wonders what's wrong with someone who doesn't. Personally, I think some women feel it's expected of them, part of their role as a female, even now in the 21st century, to be a wife and mother, serving others while sacrificing themselves. Do they question themselves the way I question myself?
For some reason, it's far more socially acceptable for women (who are moms) to complain about how difficult and demanding childrearing is than for women (who aren't) to politely decline motherhood (for whatever reason). Why is that? And could it be that some of us are learning from their cautionary tales? Why have a child and spend the next 20+ years lamenting your stretchmarks, loose skin, lack of personal time, lost opportunities, and sacrifices instead of more likely having the body you want to have, enjoying free time, and fulfilling your creative potential?
Even when women (celebrities and nobodies) have (what I see as) valid reasons for being childfree, they're flamed. Look at Jillian Michaels (my hero, if I haven't previously mentioned it...which I know I have...at least twice) whose offhand comments to a Women's Health interviewer made her the target of too many mom blogs back in 2010, before she became a mom to two kids, neither of whom she gave birth to. (Here's a link that references the controversy with her revised comments included.) And then there's comedienne Sarah Silverman, who has said (link here) she will not have a biological child because she refuses to pass along the mental-health issues (namely depression) that have plagued her.
And that's selfish?!
I don't get it. In my eyes, it's far more selfish to have a child you cannot (or will not) adequately raise than to recognize your limitations and honor them.
It's a no-brainer for me, but then I'm one of those self-absorbed childfree types, so take my opinion for what it's worth.
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