Holiday Apathy

When exactly did holidays become something to dread rather than enjoy? When did they become arguably more trouble than they're worth? My mom summed it up yesterday, immediately following the conclusion of a delicious Easter feast and its cleanup, with the following: "I'm glad that's over!"

I have to confess I've had the same or similar thoughts regarding recent holidays, though I did enjoy Easter (a little too much, to be honest, judging by the shocking amount of food that landed on and quickly left the plate of this usually health-conscious eater). Normally it's the anticipation of a special day that excites me, sometimes more than the main event itself. And then in the midst of the festivities, I'd prefer that it all be over as quickly as possible, and I start plotting my escape. Perhaps that's human nature, wanting something until you get it. ("When I get what I want/I never want it again," as Courtney Love sang in "Violet.")

That happened to me on Christmas Day last year. As I wrote here, the anticipation was long-lasting and sweet. It wasn't about gifts, as it was when I was younger, but about quality time with family spent reflecting on the day's true meaning (while eating vast quantities of succulent food past the point of discomfort, of course). Then the big day arrived with a black cloud over it. I felt out of sorts and increasingly irritated with everyone and everything. The worst part was I couldn't really pinpoint a cause; it was just a combination of apathy and annoyance that made me think I should find a way to be alone ASAP before I managed to express those feelings to someone around me. (I think most introverts are probably very familiar with this sensation.)  

Sometimes holiday blues have obvious triggers, like loss of a loved one due to death, divorce, or breakup, or financial issues that make gift-giving and feasting a challenge. But for me it was like the more I tried to think about how grateful I was - and should be - for all that's good in my life, the more irritable I felt.

Maybe I should Google "holiday apathy" or "holiday blues" to confirm that I'm not alone in my holiday struggles. I'm sure I'm not. Perhaps there are online chat forums and support groups that could offer insight on why we feel this way. It might be as simple as holiday overstimulation, and the hyper-excitement I felt as a child can now be tolerated only in small doses as an adult. 

There's no denying that holidays do require more work of adults than children. When I think of holidays now, especially the gift-giving ones, there's a lot of fretful planning involved: What will I buy? What will I cook and bake? When will I do the food prep? I never worried about these things as a kid because I didn't have to. Adults brought the holiday fun to me by doing all the work. I suppose it's like going to work in Santa's workshop and realizing that there's hard work involved instead of magic. Someone has to create what seems effortless to you.

That might be at least one reason why my mom and I and others are tired of holidays. Too much stress and work and not enough magic.