My Year in Review

Much to my surprise, 2013, which started without any truly visible promise (aside from bringing the horrible 2012 to a close), improved as it went along, and turned out to be one of the most auspicious years of my life. 
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The highlights:
 
1. I stuck to my resolutions
I made two year-long resolutions starting in January: to leap out of my comfort zone wherever and whenever possible (admittedly vague, but it worked) and, specifically, to mix up my workouts, which I did in some unexpected ways. 

For the latter, I purchased four Pilates DVDs, and learned that a good toning/stretching workout is possible without spilling too much sweat (or dough, for that matter) and that these workouts make great add-ons to longer, more grueling cardio and strength-training workouts. I also bought a beginner's yoga DVD and attended a yoga workshop during the summer, though I equate yoga more with relaxing meditation than with a solid workout (mainly because I lack flexibility, good balance, and the courage to try Jillian Michaels's brand of killer yoga).

During the summer, I enjoyed a short hike nearly every day in my local park, which stands as my all-time favorite workout, hands down. The biggest fitness lesson I learned this year is there's workout life beyond Jillian Michaels. Although I remain devoted to her and her workouts as my #1 go-to fitness solutions, there are other effective, less-torturous forms of exercise available. I think I needed that reminder.

2. I started this blog

After much anxious soul-searching and self-doubt (discussed here), I launched this blog shortly after the start of the year, which serves as my truest chronicle of 2013 and one of my biggest accomplishments this year.

3. Men, dating, and relationships

I swore off men forever the time being, and devoted this year to falling in love with myself (which is much less twee in practice than it sounds, I swear) and making myself my first priority. It's been too easy for me to lose myself in relationships, forgetting and/or compromising who I am and what I want and need for the perceived good of a relationship. I'm determined to never do that again. And if that means being alone for 2014 and the rest of my life, all is not lost. I've realized that I like myself and enjoy my company a lot more than I ever have before. I might not be happier than I've ever been, but I doubt I've ever been healthier.

4. Big leaps and bounds

I did so many things that scared my pants off (figuratively, not literally, I promise) this year, things that I never imagined I would do, under the influence or otherwise. I went skydiving (still can't believe it) (discussed here); I attended yoga, nutrition, workplace bullying, and poetry-writing workshops; I took my first (and last) horseback riding lesson (discussed here); I survived five months of swimming lessons, and can now successfully dive and swim laps (discussed here); and I took up ice skating (something I have always dreamed of doing) as a new hobby this fall and have, so far, managed to avoid a hospital visit (though I did fall and bruise my tailbone three weeks ago). 

All of these things, individually and as a whole, built layers of much-needed self-confidence. I've given myself precedents to reference for the rest of my life when I set a new goal or come face to face with fear. Now I know I'm in the front seat of my own life and my only opposition is me. As a result, I feel a thousand times happier and healthier than I did last year, which was my ultimate goal for 2013.
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So that brings 2013, one of the most important and successful years of my life, without question, to a close. Not one of the easiest, but one of the greatest. I'm maturing, which is never without growing pains. This lost girl without a voice ("I've been here/Silent all these years") is growing into a woman who is not afraid to speak.

Christmas Memories

Only one week remains until Christmas. 

All my gifts are bought and wrapped, so there's nothing left to do but enjoy the countdown...and, while I'm counting down, reminisce about Christmases of yore.

It's funny how I used to hate the anticipation of Christmas in the preceding weeks and days of waiting to open my gifts when I was a wee lass. It was torturous! The wait was so painful, especially after the start of Christmas break, that my brother and sister and I usually couldn't hold out until the big day, instead unashamedly begging for an early gift...or two. (My mom, to her credit, usually relented. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed our excitement as much as we did.) And let's not forget the snooping for hidden treasures in closets and untold shameless attempts to sneak a peek at my mom's master list of bought and wrapped Christmas presents. ("She's making a list and checking it twice!") 

I was such a materialistic scoundrel (even more so than I am now), though I suppose nearly all children are. That coveted Sears Wish Book catalog was nearly in tatters by the time Christmas rolled around, as the three of us shared it, fought over it, dogeared its pages, and highlighted and circled the toys of our dreams. The best part was we almost always received exactly what we wanted every year without fail, including some of my all-time favorite gifts: the "Beverly Hills, 90210" Brenda doll (my sister got Dylan, of course), countless Barbie dolls, outfits, houses, and cars, the iconic Mall Madness game (I wouldn't mind playing this again if it's still buried somewhere in my mom's house), rollerblades, Sweet Valley Twins and Sweet Valley High books, a toy keyboard, and an acoustic guitar (in my teens). I never had a bad Christmas, giftwise. Those were the days!

No Christmas season was ever complete without this bad boy.

Today it's different. For me, now, the anticipation of Christmas is the best part. At the top of my wishlist every year is that my family will be together, healthily, happily, and harmoniously. The Sears Wish Book is a thing of the past (though paging through one today would undoubtedly put me in touch with my inner child). What I ask for now, and am happiest to receive, are practical things that I need. This year: cookware and bakeware (not to mention a heatwave and NO snow...), and I won't be at all disappointed if I get socks. I enjoy giving to others more than I enjoy receiving gifts. I'm mindful of what's important in life, the real reason for celebrating Christmas, in a way that I never was as a child.

(I can't deny, though, that my inner child is still alive and well. And it wouldn't mind receiving an electric Razor scooter...though I'd probably break my tailbone.)

Mean Girls Part 2

Dear Fit-Pride Fat-Shamers & Fat-Pride Fit-Shamers,

You're doing it wrong.

Really.

But maybe I shouldn't say that, because I don't want to be accused of cyberbullying or, God forbid, shaming anyone. Anywhere. Ever. There's been more than enough of that lately. (Here's one recent Time article, for starters.)

Seriously, though, I've read and heard far too much from both of the aforementioned camps on Facebook, blogs, and news sites during the past few weeks, so I'd like to weigh in (sorry, I just had to) with yet more unnecessary, unasked for statements on topics that have gotten too much media attention, and ask for a hopeful resolution to this issue. 

Are these selfies motivating...or something else?

Approximately two and a half years ago, I started changing my life by changing my health. As I've previously written, I slowly, painfully, steadily morphed myself from a sedentary junk-food addict into a healthier, happier, fitter version of myself by making small, incremental changes. 

Why? I wanted to change. I wasn't motivated by someone telling me I needed to lose weight or work out seven days a week, nor would I have been. I wanted to look and feel better. That was my motivation. 

Along that journey, I found inspiration from others who had taken a similar path, most notably, one of my personal heroes, Jillian Michaels, whose workout DVDs transformed my body and inspired me to transform my health, while on Facebook, I "like"d several fitness-focused sites (including one of the worst offenders, the above article's author, the controversial, attention-seeking Maria Kang, who seems to be angling for a reality-TV show, in my opinion, or trying to become the next Tracy Anderson) that post daily motivational images and writings to inspire people like me to conquer yet another killer workout and not fall off the healthy-eating wagon

But, as I said, the choice was mine. The problem I have with some of these fitness gurus' approaches is that they're attacking people who haven't made the choice (for whatever reason) to live the way they've chosen to live.That's where the shaming comes in. Also, it can't (or shouldn't) be ignored that some of these fitness gurus are, arguably, as unhealthy (with obsessive exercise and disordered eating) or unhealthier than the targets of their posts (who may do moderate exercise and have healthy eating habits, for all they know).

Yes, maybe some of those people are unhealthy. Maybe some of them are unhappy with their lives. I don't know. What I do know is I have neither the right nor the obligation to change them. In fact, I have multiple family members who are suffering from weight-related health issues. Does it tear me apart knowing they could reduce or possibly reverse their issues with healthy eating and regular exercise? Yes, every single day. But what can I do? If they ask me, I'll tell them, but trying to force my lifestyle on them will do more harm than good, I believe. 

It's the same for religion, politics, and addiction. If people want to change, they'll listen to your message and use it as motivation. If they don't, they'll tune you out (at best) or rebel against the messenger (at worst). And then you've done more harm than good. 

That's my concern with these one-size-fits-all (literally, in this case) and my-way-is-the-only-way fitness zealots. Their message of 'If I can do this, you can (and should), too' would be the equivalent of Michael Phelps saying that any swimmer could match his incredible Olympic feats or a Harvard student with a 4.0 GPA saying that any student can achieve those scholastic accomplishments. These people are extreme. They're dedicated and they're disciplined. They're willing to make necessary sacrifices to have those accomplishments. Not everyone is, and that lack of drive and dedication doesn't make someone lazy or not as good as someone who's more driven. It makes them human.

So, how about we all just get along? Is that too simplistic? How about learning to love ourselves as we are, whether we're at our desired health level/weight (I don't believe these are the same thing, FWIW) or not, and extending some of that love into compassion for others as they are, whether they're at their desired health level/weight or not. Stop making assumptions about other people's health based on their physical appearance. 

If you want to focus on someone's health, focus on your own, and let the other person worry about theirs. If they want to be healthier, the decision is theirs to make. It can't be forced or shamed upon them. Or it shouldn't, anyway. 

And no, fitness "experts," you can't tell if someone is healthy or unhealthy just by looking at them. Some thin women are healthy and fit and some are unhealthy. It's the same for women who aren't thin (or considered thin by this increasingly judgmental world of haters in which we live). Let's stop deciding people are "too fat" or "too thin" based on our own skewed perceptions of their physical appearance.

I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of intolerance. That, to me, is the root of bullying. It's the belief that my way is the right way and your way, if it's different from mine, is wrong.

Yes, obesity is a problem. Yes, I believe fitness is one of the answers to that problem, but my point (if I have one) is that there's a right way and a wrong way to tackle that problem. And shaming and bullying in the form of gratuitous "look at how fit and dedicated I am" selfies and "there's no excuse for being fat" posts are not the right way.