Why Start a Blog?

Does the Internet really need another blog? And, to be even more pessimistic, will anyone read mine? Maybe not. But I’ve reached a point where there are more reasons for me to start blogging than there are not to blog. Seriously, my pros/cons chart looks something like this:

Reasons to blog:                                                                        Reasons not to blog:     

*Therapeutic benefits                                                                   *Fear

*Fostered creativity

*Increased self-expression

*Increased self-confidence

*Overcoming fear

*My own forum (with my rules, on my terms)

So, what am I afraid of? Why has it taken me so long? Why is this venture something that I would not have considered a year ago? I’m afraid of judgment. I’m afraid of ridicule. I’m afraid to allow others to see who I really am and know how I really feel. I could hide behind the mantle of being a private person, but the truth lies far deeper. I’m afraid to expose myself. I’m afraid to be vulnerable. If I’m exposed and vulnerable, I’m capable of being hurt. I’m afraid of success and I’m afraid of failure. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m more afraid of having my blog read or having it completely ignored.

All I know is that I need to write. It’s a huge part of my identity. I lost that part of myself seven years ago when I left my job as a reporter at a small weekly newspaper. I was broken, burned out, and totally disillusioned. I threw my writing on a proverbial shelf and left it there, mostly untouched, not realizing how desperately I needed it, how much a part of me it was (and is). The only writing I did was journaling, essays for college assignments, and work-related reports and newsletters. I had lost any confidence that I had in my potential. And, over time, I lost myself.

But now I’ve taken my first faltering steps back to writing. I bought a laptop, hammered out a short story that I tried to publish (no dice…yet), edited a non-fiction piece that I also tried to publish (same result), and enjoyed the process of putting pen to paper (literally because, despite the laptop, I love the old-fashioned intimacy of writing by hand). 

As a result, I’ve changed. I’ve heard it from others who know me, but, more importantly, I feel it. I feel like myself again, but better. I’m an improved version of myself (Jeanie 2.0). Despite the occasional turmoil in my life, I feel whole. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel at peace with myself and with my Creator. My creative spirit has been reborn (endless thanks to Julia Cameron and The Artist’s Way) and is ready to start flapping its still-fragile little wings and fly out into the big, scary world, not knowing what it will find but trusting that all will be well. 

All is well. 

So that’s why I write. The blogging world might not need me, but, God help me (!), I need it…