We Deserve Better

Current news events like the Oscar Pistorius story (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/15/sports/oscar-pistorius-shooting-south-africa.html?_r=0) and the Jodi Arias murder trial (see my previous post on this five-ring circus that has me riveted) have caused me to ponder why intelligent, attractive, talented women choose to get in (and stay in) toxic, dysfunctional, often abusive relationships.

I've concluded that healthy, happy, beneficial relationships are so foreign to so many of us that we don't recognize destructive relationships for what they are. We don't realize the damage until it's been done. I think a lot of us, no matter how beautiful and successful we might appear to others, are tormented by insecurities and low self-esteem. Why else would we allow ourselves to be part of relationships that cause us more harm than good (and sometimes threaten our lives)? Don't we know that we deserve better?

I'll admit that I spend waste far too much time browsing celebrity gossip sites (don't judge me!). And one thing that stands out to me time and again is how fake most celebrity relationships are. I mean, I have to wonder why, aside from publicity reasons and possible career boosting/rehabilitation, do celebrities bother to get married? It seems at least 90% feature at least one partner cheating on the other. 

So why do these beautiful, talented, successful women with names and faces that all of us know stay in relationships with men they know are cheating on them? Do the benefits (?) of being coupled with wealthy, attractive, powerful men who can't be trusted (or faithful) outweigh being alone (with dignity and self-respect intact) or perhaps in relationships with average (non-cheating) Joes?

I don't understand. I mean, I'll admit there have been times in the past when I would have chosen (and did choose) a toxic, dysfunctional relationship over no relationship at all, but I also admit that I've been crippled for most of my life by low self-esteem. I didn't know my own worth, my own value. I didn't know that my worth is based on who I am, not who I'm with. I didn't know that my value doesn't change regardless of whether I'm single or in a relationship, so why should my self-esteem change? 

The important thing is I know now.

I wish Jodi Arias had known her worth.* I wish Reeva Steenkamp had known her value. I wish the celebrities who choose to look the other way when their partners cheat, abuse, and degrade them knew they are enough on their own. I wish all women everywhere knew they deserve better.

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*One footnote on Jodi Arias: I do not believe Jodi Arias was abused by Travis Alexander and forced to kill him in self-defense. What I do believe is that the "relationship" she had with him was dysfunctional and harmful for both of them (and ultimately fatal for him). I believe she had a long history of toxic relationship patterns prior to meeting him that led her to seek out and stay in unhealthy relationships. Apart from his death, that, to me, is the saddest part of this case.