Deliberating

"The dread of criticism is the death of genius." ~ William Gilmore Simms

I'm debating whether or not to take the next step forward with my blog, which would be alerting my Facebook "friends" (who consist of family members, coworkers, former high-school classmates, and a smattering of near strangers, for the record) to its existence. 

I've been blogging for three months...isn't it time?

The truth is I'm (still) afraid. I have the same fear that I had three months ago when it first went viral. I believed then that (real) people would be reading my (real) journal entries. Instead I was disappointed to realize that spam websites, apparently my primary "audience," are included in profile and blog post viewing stats. And do spammers really care how I feel about the Jodi Arias trial, love, life, or anything else? No, which equals safety but also defeats the purpose of publishing a blog. 

Right now I have the equivalent of an electronic journal. And though the act of writing has been extremely emotionally and spiritually beneficial, I need to push myself out of my journal-writing-only comfort zone. It's time. It's now or (perhaps) never. I survived the criticism and other feedback I endured while writing for a locally-published newspaper. Nearly 10 years later, I'm stronger, more mature, and better equipped to handle (inevitable) criticism now than I was then.

So, why am I afraid? 

There's increased pressure if real people read my blog. Writer's block would be publicly revealed. Even scarier, people would be able to see me, the real me, how I really think and feel in lieu of the sometimes contrasting image that I present to the world. 

I don't know if I'm ready for that. But will I ever be?